It's Time To Decolonize Rest

sleep wellWhy Is Exhaustion So Normalized for Black Women?Self-care is more vital than ever, yet true relaxation remains elusive for many Black women. Some rest advocates are hoping to change that.June 12, 2022Black woman in a flow white dress in a flowery fieldKAYLA VARLEY/August Image

All my homies are tired. One is anxious to leave the company she's diligently contributed five
years of her life to, while another is exhausted from the forces that challenge their mental peace: fatphobia, housing instability, colorism. As for me? I am tired of lifting my family on my shoulders, of forcing myself to forgive aches that have spread from my heart to my body and spirit. There are two problems: Black women don't get enough rest, and we don't get all the types of rest that we need. 

"It's become normalized for Black women to feel tired," says La'Tish M. Thomas, LCSW, a New
York City-based clinical social worker and psychotherapist. Her virtual private practice, Therapy in Healing Spaces, caters to Black, Indigenous, and women of color in their 20s to late 40s. "Culturally and generationally, we've seen our mothers and grandmothers take on so much," Thomas adds. "Because of that, we've learned to hold onto everything. We feel the need to prove ourselves to society, which causes us to overwork to be 'the best.'"

"If you're always trying to survive, you can't think about resting."

"You don't always have to be creating, doing, and 'contributing' to the world. Your birth grants you rest and leisure as well," tweeted Tricia Hersey, founder of online platform The Nap Ministry and a leader in the conversation surrounding Black rest. She launched her business to
encourage its online community of Black people to consider their relationship with rest as a means to better well-being. In that regard, it's important to remember that tiredness is more
than aching bones, dry eyes craving sleep, and a flood of overwhelming thoughts that drown our minds. And the idea of rest, which carries seductive promises of release and renewal, is just as urgent and elusive — even by medical standards.

A 2020 study published in the journal Sleep found that higher levels of perceived racism were
associated with increased odds of insomnia among middle-aged and elderly Black women. Because insomnia can have negative effects on one’s health, the racism internalized by Black women has lead to medical disparity. 

"If you're always trying to survive, you can’t think about resting," says New York City-based
therapist Racquel P. Jones, MSW, LCSW-R, founder of Transforming Lives Counseling Center. "You feel like no one is going to take care of you. The more intersections you have in your identity, the harder it is. It is especially hard for Black trans women, darker-skinned Black women, fat Black women, and disabled Black women."

In her book Sacred Rest, Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD, an internist who studies work-life balance, argues that rest isn't always about stopping; it's about doing activities that fill us up. Dr. Dalton-Smith highlights seven forms of restoration, and understanding each one requires introspection about what is missing, what we instinctively enjoy, and what can inspire us to move toward
healing and rejuvenation. 

Mental rest is allowing our minds to be quiet and still without ruminating on what needs to be done. Meditation is a wonderful way to access this form of rest. Creative rest is about experiencing beauty and art within ourselves without using our own creative labor to manifest it. Think spending a weekend in the mountains, lying on the beach, or attending a live show. Social rest is when we chill with friends who rejuvenate us, rather than with people who drain our energy. Spiritual rest is how we cultivate personal relationships to achieve something greater than ourselves, which is uniquely defined by everyone's individual spiritual journey. Physical rest is divided into passive and active: The former requires napping and sleeping; the latter invites muscle relaxation, such as doing yoga. Sensory rest asks us to be aware of the external stimuli that exhaust us (Zoom calls, our phone screens) and to set firmer boundaries to avoid burnout. Finally, emotional rest is the ability to be honest and authentic when expressing our emotions, giving ourselves permission to feel whatever arises without judgment. 

Black people have long practiced this art of leaning on each other's backs without breaking the other's spine.

Learning these seven pillars is easy, but for many women — especially Black and brown women— granting ourselves permission to rest is the challenge. Asking for help is often crucial in making the space we need to rest, which is why one vehicle for rest is trust — trust that we can be vulnerable and that someone will take care of us and help shoulder our responsibilities. Black people have long practiced this art of leaning on each other's backs without breaking the other's spine: Our friends, family, and mental health professionals allow us to unload stress and gain rest, and offer themselves as sites for healing and comfort. I'm excited to witness us rising to new forms of communal healing. Therapy for Black Girls, for example, provides Black users with a database to find therapists who look like them. Other options to pursue quiet rejuvenation: Seek out acupuncture and Reiki, talk to our ancestors, journal, and surround ourselves with nature. The culture of rest is transforming and we're creating our own forms of therapy to find solace and clarity for our fatigued minds.

This story originally appeared in the June 2022 issue of Allure. Learn how to subscribe here.

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Alisha is a Brooklyn bred writer, artist, and workshop bae who loves cartoons, music, and Afrofuturism. Her essays have been published in Teen Vogue, Catapult, GQ, and more places. Find her on Instagram and on her website at AlishaAcquaye.com. KeywordsMelanin Editrepackageblack womenmental healthsleepmeditationCommunity

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Originally posted on: https://www.allure.com/story/black-women-rest-self-care