I Am Enraged on Behalf of the Woman Whose Husband Won't Pay for the Makeup He Threw Away

NOT OKI Am Enraged on Behalf of the Woman Whose Husband Won't Pay for the Makeup He Threw AwayIt's never OK for someone to say what you can and can't wear.

By Alaina Demopoulos

April 21, 2022

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There's nothing that breaks up your mid-week slump quite like good, old-fashioned, guttural rage directed to strangers on the internet. And that's precisely what I feel after reading one recent popular thread on the viral Reddit community r/AmItheAsshole.

For the uninitiated, this particular corner of the internet is where people go to anonymously vent about their latest disagreements, to gauge whether they are right to be upset about a particular squabble, or to learn if they are, as the name implies, "the asshole" in that situation. 

One 30-year-old woman recently took to AITA, as it is known, to ask if she's in the wrong for a recent argument she's had with her husband. After suffering from "skin issues" for most of her life, the poster explains that she's finally wearing makeup for the first time. Her husband "consents [to] it" (as if i'’s his choice) — for the most part. This man thinks that some of his wife's eye shadows "are inappropriate and 'wild.'" He tells her to "ton[e] it down, because some of these eye shadows give strangers the wrong impression."

Despite this woman's decision to decorate her eyelids however she damn well pleases, her husband still has nothing better to do than to "ask that [she] use nude colors and give up the blue, purple, red, and the light colors." The woman refuses, but that's not where this story ends.

The woman later discovers that her husband has thrown away her three palettes. "His reason was that I wore inappropriate colors when we visited his parents," she explains in the thread. She understandably asks to be reimbursed for the trashed makeup, but her husband says it "wasn't his fault." (Fact check: It is 100 percent his fault.)

As she should, the redditor says she's refusing to speak to her husband, who counters that she's "making a mountain out of a molehill." Understandably, her thread quickly filled with supportive commentators.

"This is way bigger than just eye shadow," one user wrote. "He shouldn't get to 'consent' to whether you wear makeup or not. It's your body and your face."

"I would put your husband exactly where he put your makeup, in the garbage," another opined. "He has no right to tell you what you can put on your face."

While it's not up to us to speculate on what's going on in this particular relationship, certified sexologist and psychologist Denise Renye previously told Allure that one major red flag for emotional abuse is when a person tries to control how their partner looks.

"Criticizing a partner's clothing or body is something that an abuser may chalk up to a form of 'protecting' the partner or the relationship," Renye said at the time. "They may say something like, 'I don't want you to get unwanted attention' or 'I don't want anyone looking at my lady (or man) like that.'”

As a slew of states continue to pass anti-abortion legislation or tell trans athletes they're not allowed to play collegiate sports, it's all too common to read stories about the patriarchy wielding its power over women's bodies. Please just remember: makeup is a personal choice, and if you want to wear eye shadow that's any color of the rainbow, go for it — for that, you are decidedly not the asshole.

Read more about relationships: 

• How Disorganized Attachment Became the Most Misunderstood Attachment Style
• How to Create Boundaries with a Toxic Family Member
• The Importance of Creating Communication Boundaries with Friends Right Now

And now watch Sydney Sweeney's 10-minute beauty routine for sensitive skin:

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Alaina Demopoulos is a beauty editor at Allure. She previously served as a staff writer for The Daily Beast and Popsugar, respectively. She graduated from NYU with a degree in dramatic writing and her virgin brown hair, which she promptly dyed eight more colors. (She's settled on green for now.) When... Read moreBeauty Editor

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